Christmas Crackers

The sleigh accelerated…

‘My god it’s full of discounts,’ he said as they grew closer and closer.

‘Grand Sale! Grand Sale,’ boomed an evil voice over an expensive and powerful PA system.

Missiles whooshed away from the sleigh, exploding magnificently against the ship, but it hung on like so many things that shouldn’t.

Donnie pressed the cut-off switch and the sleigh ground to a halt, hovering above the ship. The reindeer were returning, but they couldn’t make a difference against something that big.

What they needed now was a cunningly conceived plan, an advantage, a chance…

Unfortunately, Donnie was better suited to strategic withdrawals.

A helicopter news team buzzed them. Donnie flipped them the bird.

The reindeer had regrouped and surrounded the sleigh. Not that it would make much difference.

‘Grand Sale,’ the voice continued, sounding like a cockney tout, though without the accent. ‘All stock discounted!’

‘Piss off will you,’ yelled Donnie.

‘You cannot win,’ said the ship.

‘And neither can you!’ Donnie yelled. ‘We’re stuck in one of those impasse things. You’re not going to land. It’ll be over our dead… ‘

He reconsidered quickly.

‘Well, our struggling and never-say-die-attitudes!’

That was close, he thought, congratulating himself.

‘We have everything,’ said the ship.

‘How’s about a big order of sod-off,’ said Donnie with a grin. ‘With a side of good bloody riddance.’

The ship laughed wickedly.

‘We have travelled the cosmos collecting,’ the voice announced. ‘In exchange for granting your every wish, and the wishes of everyone on your planet, we will own your world.’

‘And it’ll be on-sold to the next, will it,’ asked Donnie.

‘I don’t like these people,’ murmured Carol, standing up. She placed her hands on his shoulders to steady herself.