Christmas Crackers

‘Of course,’ said the ship. ‘That is the proper operation of a market economy.’

Donnie glanced upwards. The remaining fighters had surrounded them. Rudolph and the others had paired-up with their opposite numbers, but they were outgunned, outnumbered and quite possibly out of luck.

‘We can create rainfall, reduce carbon emissions and cure all the diseases in the world; Cancer will be a thing of the past–’

‘Timmy had Leukemia,’ murmured Carol. ‘It was horrible.’

‘AIDS will be but a memory,’ continued the ship. ‘All you have to do is give us what we want.’

‘What if we say no?’

‘You prolong the inevitable,’ said the voice patronizingly. ‘We have already infested your world. This is but the final chapter in your closing-down sale.’

‘What does that mean,’ asked Carol in a worried voice.

‘We advertise our existence and you buy our wares. We sell at a discount and you want more. You want it all. Everything you’ve always wanted. Especially you, Donnie Penfolde.’

‘Me?’ Donnie had never regarded himself as a collectible action-figure. Sure, he had posable arms, legs… other bits.

Admittedly some were the worse for wear…

‘You are the prize of prizes,’ said the ship.

‘Pardon,’ asked Donnie, with a shocked voice and matching expression.

‘We know what you are, Donnie Penfolde, and we know your other self is Daisy.’

Donnie shivered, fear creeping up his spine.

‘And in exchange for your world,’ said the ship,’ and for you, we can stop your unending travels through parallel worlds.’

Donnie gasped. He had lost count of the number of times he had jumped. He had lost count of the times he had been shot at, attacked, wined and dined. He was sick to death of all the confusion and the gender issues that had been doing his head in since this all started, and the headaches… the cirrhosis of the liver he would just have to deal with one day.

He and Daisy had wished since the beginning that it would just stop, that the universe would just let them be.

He closed his eyes, wondering. Could it be true?

To stop jumping. To stop it all.

And then something else emerged in his mind, something unexpected and perhaps even out of character.

He looked up at Carol, standing behind him, turned and lifted her into the seat beside him. She sat down and strapped herself in.