Harem Scare ‘em

‘Something about real estate I think,’ asked Lucan. He conferred with Chairman Mao and really shouldn’t have.

‘Give him Back!’ yelled Panix, a petulant child’s tone screeching from his vocal chords. ‘Dobody Leaves til then!’

‘That puts a dampener on the evening. I was hoping to visit Gandhi’s place tonight,’ responded Prime Minister Holt. He paused, then added dreamily, ‘He has Indian girls there you know …’

‘I agree,’ an Austrian voice piped up. Archduke Ferdinand stepped forward to lend support to the argument. ‘Zees has gone far enough! Mister Presley, hand her back!’

‘I like it here,’ said Donnie petulantly, now standing and all but poking out a tongue at the Archduke.

He turned to face Elvis.

‘You and me would make a great team.’ He rubbed the King’s chest with an open hand, looked up into his eyes and smiled seductively. That always worked with men.

‘This is not a discussion!’ yelled Panix, stepping forwards again and grabbing Donnie’s arm. Again.

The crunching sound and half-gasping scream  that followed was not, in fact,  further facial reconstruction surgery performed by Dr. Presley. It was as a result of the swift upward movement of a knee colliding with a pair of sexual organs.

Panix fell to the floor, curled into a foetal position, and gasped, his remaining eye wide with pain.

As he bent close to the gasping man’s ear, Donnie briefly wondered what the next version of Panix would look like.

‘Don’t ever touch me again,’ he said darkly.

Donnie straightened up with a smile and looked around. The women had half-amused smiles on their faces, while the men felt Panix’s pain.