My Little Pony

‘Fine,’ said the guard with a bored voice and pulled a lever beside the gate. In the distance, a melody doorbell went off. An appalling version of Greensleeves echoed around the grounds.

Daisy frowned. This wasn’t quite what she had expected.

Marcus snorted derisively and got a dirty look from the other guard.

‘Clearing my nose,’ said Marcus unconvincingly.

The gates creaked open and they progressed into the grounds which were filled with the sort of rides and roller coasters found in the tackier sort of fairground.

‘The Kings domain,’ whispered Marcus cynically.

‘You don’t say,’ said Daisy, with an air of suspicion. This all felt terribly wrong. ‘Did I mention that Panix was going to bring me here, too?’

‘Hop down,’ said Marcus, ignoring her question. ‘I need a break.’

Daisy dismounted just as a short, balding man approached. He was accompanied by a huge number of midgets.

She looked harder; no, not midgets. Children, all dressed the same: black trousers and top with a contrasting white glove on one hand.

‘Thank you officer,’ said the man as he arrived. ‘If you would just go around to the bursars office he will arrange payment.’

‘Beg yours,’ asked Daisy.

‘There was a bounty offered for your capture,’ said the man with a pompous smile. ‘Surely the officer mentioned it?’

Daisy looked up at Marcus who turned and began to walk away. He stopped momentarily and looked back at her, a hint of worry in his eyes.

But it was for nothing. He turned once more and continued walking away.

Daisy stared at his slowly diminishing form.

‘Horse’s arse,’ she said with disappointment, then turned back to face little man, almost sure she’d seen him somewhere before. ‘So what’s all this about? And who are you?’

‘I am the King’s assistant and trainer of his personal honour guard,’ he said, peering at her over his slim-line glasses.

He swooped his hand in the direction of the homicidal looking toddlers standing behind him. They looked unimpressed.

‘Nappies need changing,’ asked Daisy with a smile.

‘It is my duty,’ said The Assistant, ignoring her question, ‘to inform you that you have been found guilty of necrophilia, having had intercourse with the dead King. The sentence is death, to be carried out immediately.’

‘Dead? King,’ she asked, without understanding. Then it hit her. ‘Elvis?’

‘The dead King,’ said The Assistant matter-of-factly. ‘Who was dethroned by the new King.’

‘Elvis was pretty animated at the time,’ said Daisy, frowning, then added with a grin. ‘Not particularly dead. Blood pumping into all the right places if you know what I mean.’

‘The old king is missing presumed dead,’ said The Assistant.