My Little Pony

‘Won? Won what,’ asked Daisy in shocked surprise.

‘We all took bets on whether he’d go after you,’ explained Diana. ‘And whether you’d accept his advances.’

Daisy felt a little put out. ‘You could have included me in the book,’ she said sullenly.

‘We did. Don’t you remember?’

Daisy took a deep breath, a little frustrated resignation slipping through. Here was another of those mind twisting issues that she tried to avoid thinking about.

‘Damn,’ she said. ‘I lost then.’

‘I can’t believe you bet against yourself!’ said Diana with surprise.

‘Force of habit I suppose. I’m so used to disappointment,’ said Daisy, then changed the subject as quickly as she could. ‘Look, you got any booze down there? I feel like getting smashed out of my brain.’

‘Got Fosters,’ said Di.

‘Fosters?’ Daisy could barely conceal her revulsion. ‘That’s Australian for Piss isn’t it? I’m talking about–’

‘Fe Fi Fo Fum,’ bellowed someone high overhead with a voice that would put a tenor to shame.

The ground began to shake, accompanied by a terrible rumbling which grew louder as the seconds passed.

Daisy looked around in fear. Was it an earthquake? Bomb testing? A terrorist attack? Some clear-fell logging in a designated national park?

Two gigantic feet thudded down nearby.

‘What the hell is that?’ Daisy exclaimed, looking up, immediately wishing she hadn’t.

A four-hundred foot Colonel Panix was what it was; dressed in a green leotard.  It was not a good look, and the bulges she could see would put her off sex for at least the remainder of this reality.

‘Is that who I think it is,’ bellowed Panix. ‘Because if it is, she’s mine!’

‘Sod off Panix!’ yelled Di, letting the enunciation slip a little.

‘Yeah,’ Marilyn added. ‘Remember what happened the last time you didn’t listen!’

‘What happened?’ asked Daisy, addressing Di.

‘He wandered into a minefield.’

‘Ouch.’

‘I’m taking her to see the New King,’ bellowed Panix. ‘He wants a word. Several I would think.’

‘How about you be a good boy and leave her alone,’ said Di.

‘How about you do as you’re told,’ bellowed Panix. ‘You baby machine!’

‘Right! That’s it,’ hissed Marilyn and in one fluid motion had an arrow out, knocked and pinged in Painx’s direction.

‘Hey,’ he yelled and began to dance around. A huge packet of matches thudded down on the earth nearby.

Daisy ran forwards, through Panix’s legs and ended up looking up at his backside. There was a hint of a brown streak on it.

Ewww, she thought, and danced to one side as Panix reached down for her again.

‘Oy,’ she yelled. ‘Careful!’