My Little Pony

‘The poster said Dead or Alive,’ said Panix and laughed wickedly.

‘I’m sure it didn’t say anything about maimed though,’ said Daisy, leaping to one-side. The others had managed to get the matches open.

Panix stopped and ducked down to stare intently at Daisy.

She looked up and grinned.

‘What about being nice to me for a change,’ she asked and batted her eyes a couple of times.

While Panix considered such an alien concept, the duo of ex-princess and ex-screen siren had pulled several matches from the box and were carefully shoving them into Panix’s ill-fitting green boots.

He glanced down just as they lit them.

Characteristically, Panix had gone the cheap-option, and bought a box of matches that didn’t meet the Australian design standards. They had, furthermore, been soaked in petrol during a robbery with menace he’d participated in some days earlier.

The net effect of this particular set of circumstances was that the matches didn’t so-much flare briefly as they’d been designed to do, they more exploded into flames, removing the eyebrows of the duo lighting them better than any beautician could ever have.

Then, seeing as Panix’s footwear was constructed of materials produced as a side-line of the local petrochemical industry, these too caught fire.

In the confusion, Daisy took the obvious option and scarpered, heading down the hill toward the picnic. She was way ahead of the two other girls.

Panix screamed and stomped his feet, trying to put the flames out. He tripped and fell.

A terrible shadow eclipsed the sun.

‘Oh,’ said Panix, then finished with a profane exclamation worthy of him.

Panix collided solidly with the earth below, though fortunately not with any of the picnic goers.

Once the dust had cleared, Diana looked up to see Marilyn had landed in the custard and was being attacked by a dozen small bears who were making short-work of the yellow gunk. Diana herself was on her back after doing a quite accidental acrobatic act over the top of Merv.

‘Where’s Daisy,’ she asked, glancing around as Panix groaned woefully.

‘Last I saw she’d gone into the forest,’ said Merv, talking past an unlit cigarette while looking around for a lighter. He made flicking movements with a claw.

‘Oh dear,’ said Diana.

* * *

Daisy couldn’t help it. The survival instinct had just kicked in and told her legs to start pumping like the pistons in a V8 nitro-injected engine. Once that happened, there was no stopping.

The thought of being touched in any way by that vile little – well, big in this case – man was enough to put anyone off the idea of picnics and well on their way to an Olympic gold for the 200 meter sprint.