My Little Pony

‘Must be great.’

‘Great? Well, no,’ said Marcus. ‘I can’t do anything, can’t go anywhere. I’m standing at the bar having a quiet drink with my mates and I get mobbed by women with a mental age of nine.’

Marcus put-on a falsetto voice and continued.

‘What’s your name, you’re gorgeous, what blue eyes you have,’ he returned to his normal voice. ‘Blah, blah, blah.

Meanwhile all my mates have buggered off somewhere else and I have to deal with being patted and stroked.’

‘I know a lot of guys that would love that.’

‘It’s fun the first few times I’ll grant you, but after a while it gets on your nerves. And the adoration of the fans doesn’t equate to what a horse really wants.’

‘Wrong species?’

‘Wrong species,’ he murmured, annoyed.

‘Fe Fi Fo Fum,” bellowed Panix.

‘Crap,’ said Marcus, screeching to a halt and half-turning to see where Panix was.

Panix was in the near distance, and had spotted them.

‘Oy, Pigbreath,’ Panix yelled. ‘She’s mine!’

‘Pigbreath,’ asked Daisy.

‘Hang on,’ said Marcus and reared up, pushing forward with hind legs.

Daisy tipped backwards, hanging on with her legs. She fought her way upwards and put her arms around his neck.

Within moments they were in the town and battering down streets which had obviously been designed by the same people who did those in the French countryside; they narrowed with the potential to become nonexistent around the next bend.

It was only Marcus’s local knowledge that prevented them ending up as Mortadella sandwiches.

‘Duck,’ he yelled, rushing around another corner.

Thunk!

Daisy’s head collided with a low-hanging street sign. She lolled backwards woozily.

‘Gahhh,’ she gasped. ‘That really hurt!’

‘Use your ears and listen when I tell you things,’ said Marcus. ‘Duck!’

‘Get St- Oooo!’